Changes, changes . . .
Can we heed Rumi and let life live through us?
“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”
― Rumi
Once again, we’ve entered the dark of the moon, and, with Mercury also retrograde, it’s a wonderful time to turn our gaze inward, to attend to the details of our lives, and to watch out for the first sightings of new growth.
I innocently finished my last post with the words.
“I encourage you to sit amid the multiple contradictions in life and simply allow them to be.
Under the light of the full moon, who knows what might be revealed.”
With disenchantment and dislocation my recent companions, and powerful astrology affecting us collectively, and personally, I should not be surprised that my life is, once again turning upside down.
Are you noticing something similar?
Imagine me, two summers ago, sitting crossed legged on a cold tile floor. The room, stripped of its furniture was stark and bare. It made a great space for yoga, but today, handwritten notes, on unevenly cut slips of paper scattered the floor. Haumea, dwarf planet and Hawaiian creation goddess was active in my life then as she is now – and as we know, at these times, it can feel as if we’re on the brink of spinning out of control.
As had been my practice, I was moving the slips of paper about, shifting them left and right, rearranging them, setting them out on a huge sheet of cardboard, working with my hands to create a pattern. With racing pulse, the sense of slight desperation, and deep longing, I was searching once again for direction, for the thing that was mine to do in the world, the elusive thing that would bring me the satisfaction and recognition I so desired.
I was early in my astrological journey.
Still intrigued and enticed by this new way of understanding ourselves and the world, I had purchased some Pam Gregory resources. My intention was to learn how to read an astrological birth chart and to explore the position of my north node. Rather than being deterministic, like our personal North Star the north node is considered to point us towards those areas of life that both challenge us and ultimately, provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment. My north node is in the second house, in the sign of Cancer – the house of physical or material reality, self-worth and our values, resources or what matters to us, in the sign of “mothering”.
I had followed the instructions, responded to prompts and found resonance with many of the suggestions. Yes, I like to be materially and financially self-sufficient. I’m known to be calm in a crisis. I have a creative, fertile nature and have worked to build a clear set of values.
Other phrases jumped out at me too. “Freedom and independence are very important[i]”, “you don’t want to be seen as ordinary . . . there is always the hint of the rebel in your work . . . idealistic and future-oriented. . . involvement in alternative subjects - anything that expresses your pursuit of the ‘truth’ and, there’s an instinctive understanding of the rhythms of the cosmos.”
A great start! I felt sure that the direction offered would be perfect.
Yet, now, I was sitting head in hands, forcefully denying and resisting what was clearly laid out before me.
“ . . . the focus shifts to the emotional and family realm . . . [the home and looking after the emotional needs of the family]. There may be a hankering to be out in the world and achieving, but if you do seek authority and position, you may find that life doesn’t flow so well.
The temptation to throw the astrology book aside and denounce the practice was palpable.
But I simply couldn’t do that!
Having been trained in “evidence-based” social work practice, I was unable to ignore all the other “evidence”, just because I was, indeed hankering to be out in the world, achieving!
I felt incredulous, frustrated.
No, that’s an understatement, I was fist-shaking-in-the-air angry. This could not be my destiny. There must be some mistake!
Over the years, I’d created a solid self-protective sense of identity as an outcast, as one who inhabited the borderlands, someone on the edge of things. Belonging, it seemed, always required some form of suppression – and like Lilith[ii], the ancient goddess and holder of the great round of life-death and rebirth, in my attempts to express the fullness of my authentic self, I have repeatedly chosen solitude over submission.
How then could it be that family, roots and heritage, the connection with the past, to history and with a sense of belonging could ever be things that I would value? These were the very things from which I felt dislocated. How could it be that for me “the satisfaction of caring for others” could be “priceless”?
The arrow shape, formed from my scrawled notes and slips of paper went flying. Then, once again inhabiting my calm-in-a-crisis self, I scooped them up and tucked them into a folder. I must be misinterpreting the words somehow.
Fast forward two years, and my life is being turned upside down again.
Those of you who have been reading my contemplations for a while, will remember how I’ve written about my desire to live like the river flows and to be the river.
Rumi’s counsel to “let life live through you” holds the same feel. There is flow.
“Try not to resist the changes that come your way” he says. And I have stopped resisting.
I’ve stopped the anxious searching too. I know the change that faces me is the next right-thing for me to do. I have developed a greater trust in life.
Almost without my realising it, during the last five years I’ve been immersed and found value in history.
Hmm – is that true?
Without getting into semantics and the common interpretations of the word “history”, I’ve found that through an exploration of the fractal nature and rhythms of the cosmos – be they 24,000-year cycles or the twice daily rise and fall of the tides, a fascination with myths and indigenous wisdom teachings, I have become interested in what has been, as well as what lies ahead. In that way, I have found value in history.
My explorations have offered a clearer sense of what my soul wants to learn and how it wants to serve in this lifetime. Thankfully I’m not still scrabbling about on that cold tile floor of two years ago!
Through a commitment to healing all that is out-of-balance in myself and in my relationships, an unexpected opportunity has opened for me to take my place within my family.
As I quoted last time, “one who denies his or her roots is dislocated from their true power in life”[iii]. It is time for me to enter through the Portal of Fears and take my place.
After all, each one of us, as a fractal shard of the divine, has a place, and an essential part of play in the evolution of the world. And how could I encourage you to take yours, if I have not done the work to take mine?
For true healing to occur, I’ll need to engage at multiple levels.
On a practical level, I will be leaving Spain and returning to England, to support my mother in her later years, whilst also honouring my body and the material world.
On an emotional/mental level, I intend to follow my north node, to engage my thoughts, beliefs, and emotions, continue to process my experiences and nurture my family (in the widest sense of the word) and look after their emotional needs.
Levels of Reality: Based upon the work of Heather Ensworth [iv]
On an archetypal level, I’ll continue to explore our collective or cultural beliefs, seeking meaning from symbol, myth, ritual and ceremony to support me to release my outcast identity and work towards healing, both personally and for the collective.
As you probably know, I hold closely to two myths! The story of Inanna and the tale of Sedna.
Inanna hears the call of the great below and travels to the underworld in an attempt to be reconciled with her sister, Ereshkigal. Having been stripped of her outer raiment’s, she experiences a death and rebirth, before returning, wiser, more mature to the upper world, where she once again, nurtures, protects and leads her people.
And Sedna, the Inuit princess, who, having been betrayed by at least her father and possibly her husband as well (depending on the version you hear), sinks to the icy ocean floor, where she’s transformed into a goddess who returns to her people, bringing wisdom from the depths to support and nurture them.
Being archetypes, both follow the archetypal journey of psycho-spiritual transformation! Each leaves the familiar world, venturing forth. They undergo trails, suffering, and a death of their old (ego) selves before being reborn and then returning to serve their communities.
Of-course, as well as being an Inuit goddess, Sedna is the name of one of the outermost dwarf planets. She’s very active collectively too and happily, in my birth chart, she sits in the 11th House of collective consciousness, suggesting that, as well as protecting and nurturing my family, my soul really wants to do something in the collective. . . so my writing and sharing all that I learn will continue.
And the Spiritual level, I’ll continue to develop my awareness of ancient wisdom traditions, the quantum understanding that everything is energy, is interconnected and that our reality is created through our intentions, thoughts, beliefs and emotions.[iv]
We can all feel that the world is changing.
What changes are you being asked to consider?
And how might Rumi’s ancient wisdom support you as you discern the way to go?
“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”
― Rumi
[i] How to Co-create Using the Secret Language of the Universe: Using Astrology for your Empowerment. Pam Gregory
[ii] See https://navigatingthemysteries.substack.com/p/remember-right-relationship
[iii] Richard Rudd: The Gene Key of Culture
[iv] From Trauma to Freedom: One Woman’s Journey and a Holistic Guide for Healing. Heather Ensworth
Thank you, Annie, for sharing your journey through uncertain & perplexing times! Such discernment helps me sort through the many challenges and opportunities presenting themselves to me!
I am glad to know that you are going to tend to your mother. May your giving heart be blessed and surprised with fulfillments unsought!
Beautiful Annie, this guidance is a good invitation to trusting the self , a strong practice to allowing the soul energy to shine and create equilibrium within while finding joy in right action.
As often ,in alignment, I too am experiencing another challenging period of growth through letting go, through surrender and acceptance .
I’m finding peace .
May peace be with you too. Maddie be safe be well .