Do to others as I would have them do to me.
Towards our soul’s longing for harmony, cooperation, sharing and reverence for life.
With a shiver, I look up for a moment, wondering where last week’s warm sunshine and relaxed atmosphere have gone. Outside my window, choppy waves crash against the shore and even inside the harbour boats bob about, turning on their anchors as the wind whistles by.
Perched atop the hilly skyline across the bay, a line of wind turbines seems unperturbed. With majestic regularity, each one simply maintains its peaceful rhythm. Perhaps they can be a reminder to us - stay steady, despite insistent gusts!
Around the time of the full moon, suggests seasoned, forward thinking yet grounded astrologer Kathy Rose, we could feel especially attached to our version of the truth, convinced that our opinion is right.
And likely, my truth is right for me in this moment, and yours for you!
Of-course it’s when we try to convince each other that my truth is your truth that things can get a little choppy.
At the last full moon, I mentioned that I am planning two Contemplative Caminos in 2026 and as part of that preparation, I’m revisiting the Pilgrim Handbook that accompanies the walking retreats that I offer.
Perhaps this called my attention today, because with Uranus squaring Mars the astrological energies are calling us towards change, adventure, freedom and growth – those same energies that are awakened with the call to set foot on the Camino!
For those unfamiliar with the Camino de Santiago, it forms a network of ancient pilgrimage routes, that cross Europe, to culminate in Santiago de Compostela in Northern Spain. The most well know path, the Camino Frances, crosses the Pyrenees from Southern France into Spain then travels westward for some 800 km (500 miles) before reaching the tomb of Santiago – Saint James in the city that bears his name.
People from all walks of life, from all corners of the globe decide to make a Camino, to embark on a pilgrimage.
Some have a clear idea about why they are setting out. Perhaps they want the physical challenge, they want to explore the region, experience the culture. Perhaps they seek a deeper understanding of themselves and the wider world. Some are drawn to the idea of meeting their “Camino Family” - a group of like-minded (like-hearted?) people to connect with. Some come for a pre-defined spiritual or religious reason. For others, its more etheric, more intuitive – they somehow feel the need or hear the call.
Often, people make a Camino at a point of significant change in their lives. This was the case for me, when I made my first Camino. Intuitively we know that we need to slow down, take time, allow what has passed to clear, to make room for the new.
As we make that decision to literally step out of our usual lives, all sorts of previously unacknowledged fears surface, demanding our attention. Often, we start with the basics, where will we sleep, what will we eat, will my body endure the trek.
And so, my handbook – like innumerable others addresses some of these basics with sections that discuss foot care, socks, trekking poles and the like.
For me the inner journey is as important as the outer. The Camino offers a wonderful opportunity to deeply contemplate how we relate to ourselves, to others and to the world around us. Supporting this inner work is my passion, so my handbook includes a section entitled Safe and Free Accompaniment.
In many ways, walking the Camino is a metaphor for life and because of that, it’s not exempt from any of the dilemmas we face in our usual day to day. In-fact, those dilemmas can be accentuated, persistently demanding that we engage them!
Sometimes a dilemma comes in the form of a strongly held opinion about how to make a Camino. It could be an opinion on the distance that should be walked each day, the footwear that should be worn, the packs that should be carried, the beds that should be slept in, the list goes on.
And accompanying the strongly held shoulds can be criticisms, judgments, defensiveness, self-righteousness and self-condemnation.
How wonderful!
Opportunities abound to practice doing things differently. To practice doing things in a way that works for me - whilst honouring and respecting the way that works for you.
So, let’s wander through some of my Pilgrim Handbook, to see how it might support us as we navigate these times where there could be a tendency for each of us to be strongly attached to our version of the truth, convinced that our opinion is right.
Safe and Free Accompaniment - towards our soul’s longing for harmony, cooperation, sharing and reverence for life.
I’d forgotten that I’d included such a clear statement of my values and aspirations as the subtitle!
Before continuing, let’s check if we’re on the same page. Ask yourself,
Does my soul long for harmony, cooperation, sharing and reverence for life?
If not, this might be a good opportunity to consider what your soul does long for!
Then, with the acknowledgement that a positive intention and agreement to enter the practices is all that is required, we have
Core Practice 1:
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Supporting myself and others to feel safe, valuable and loved, my intention and practices are to:
offer kindness, compassion and empathy.
be open minded and open hearted, willing to consider an opinion or attitude that is different from my own,
be willing to listen deeply with a curious head, compassionate heart and courageous gut.
offer a non-critical, non-judgmental attitude.
release assumptions and preconceived ideas.
not offer advice or attempt to fix the person or problem.
not exert emotional pressure on self or others to share or verbally contribute.
In the handbook, I expand the above, relating it to Carl Roger’s humanist psychological theory of unconditional positive regard. (Can you spot non-interference, as mentioned in Preparing to Soar in there?)
I’m sure this theory is familiar to many of you, but let’s revisit it. Unconditional positive regard is all about accepting and respecting the person (myself or another) who sits behind the behaviour.
It’s about allowing someone to have feelings and experiences that differ from mine.
It’s about conveying grace and acceptance in the face of mistakes and failures.
And it’s about the development of positive self-worth, in myself and in another.
I include a quote in the handbook from D Myers (verywellmind.com)
“Unconditional positive regard allows people the comfort and freedom to safely be themselves without fearing rejection or the loss of other people's love.”
And reading it again today, I can see how easy it can be to reject a person, or withdraw our love from them, because we are unwilling to be with them, with their opinion or experience or choices as their authentic self.
What’s that all about?
Whole books have been written on the subject! One of my favourites is “The Opposite of Hate” by Sally Kohn.
Spoiler alert! Kohn concludes that the opposite of hate is connection.
So, are we unwilling to stay connected, or simply unskilled in doing so?
Of-course, there are times when trying to connect or stay connected with someone in the face of strongly opposing opinions or even hate, would leave us open to harm. I’m not talking about those times.
Deeper connection could require us to be curious, and open to the possibility that an alternative view has validity and rings true for our friend. Might it also hold some truth for us? Am I willing to open to that possibility?
That can feel scary.
Or we might be asked to soften our hearts, to see the humanity beneath the opinion with all its accompanying behaviour. We might be asked to allow empathy and compassion to flow, even while we maintain our own differing values and opinions.
Under such circumstances, the unconscious drive to dominate or yield, to interfere, rescue or submit can be strong. But it’s my belief that unconditional positive regard can be the alchemical cauldron, the hearty pot in which something new can be created.
So, what can I look out for to let me know that I’m veering from my intention to practice unconditional positive regard?
What can I look out for to let me know that I’ve encountered a part of myself that wants to change others and the world, rather than be changed itself?
In The Heart of the Soul, Gary Zukav and Linda Francis offer a checklist. I’ve adapted it slightly so that it reads:
I feel right.
I feel defensive.
I feel angry (frustrated, resentful)
I blame others, myself or the Universe
I am self-critical.
I judge others.
I am upset.
I am in a painful reaction to something or someone.
My suggestion is to notice each time one or more of these things pop up throughout the day or when in conversation with another. And each time to say with a smile –
“How Wonderful!”
Noticing is the first step on the path towards change!
As I write, I’m noticing the knot in my stomach. I am soon to spend time with someone who holds and forcefully vocalises strong opinions, few of which I share.
Noticing, if we’re willing, can lead us into the realm of uncompromising self-honesty and the acknowledgement of just how bad things really are!
It’s easy for me to slip into self-criticism and judgement. I think it’s part of the shadow pattern of Arrogance, where it shape-shifts between a sense of superiority and inferiority.
If I quiet my inner-critic I know how much I’d like to respond differently when the onslaught arrives. And I know that the only person I can change is myself!
How wonderful!
There’s good news!
Not only is each shadow state, according to Richard Rudd, simply a challenge to surmount, but we each have the capacity to develop the attribute or gift that will lead us to a more transcendent realisation.
And from Rudd’s perspective, it is leadership that guides us out of shadowy arrogance towards an eventual transcendent state of humility.
So true humility is born from trying and failing again and again. There’s slipping back, recognising when arrogance rears its snorting head. Then, with appropriate apology, to lead myself out, to try again.
Seeing the more transcendent state encourages me that the effort is worthwhile!
And remember! Right now, we have extra help! The Uranus-Mars conjunction is urging us towards change, adventure, freedom and growth. And the full moon lights the way.
It’s as if we’re being nudged towards an inner pilgrimage!
Ask yourself
What small adjustment can I make, so that I might hold someone, with their firmly help opinion in unconditional positive regard?
I look up again to see that clouds have scurried past. The earlier grey sea is now blue, but the small boats are still bobbing about, it’s still choppy.
And the wind turbines continue their steady rhythm, unflustered by the wind’s changing moods.
I’ll continue to look to them in support of my soul’s longing for harmony, cooperation, sharing and reverence for life and for their steady reminder to do to others as I would have them do to me.
What might they be whispering to you?
Be joyful, be well, be safe.
Annie
P.S. If you’re interested in a 2 week Contemplative Camino with me, pencil in the dates - 31st August to 13th September 2026 and watch out for more information.
Lovely.